That time I failed as a mom…

My worst day as a mom also fell on the date of our wedding anniversary. My husband and I arranged with family to keep the little one with them for a few hours as we went out to celebrate our five year anniversary. Dinner was at 7 and we had a lovely time. We went to pick her up at 9 pm. That was our biggest mistake, we should have let her spend the night. It honestly never even crossed our minds to do so. We hadn’t let her spend the night with family up to this point so we thought no big deal, we can go get her and put her to bed in her own room. She was about 9 months at the time.

As soon as we took her out of her car seat, the crying began. She cried and cried and there was nothing we could do to calm her down. We tried EVERYTHING. Once in her room, the crying turned into a panic attack of some kind. This was the first time she cried as loud and as intense. She then began to throw up. Here is where my failure as a mom came in, I picked her up and ran with her to the bathroom. I am not sure exactly what it was I was trying to accomplish by doing this. In any case, I slipped. Yep! I slipped while carrying her and I hit the sink vanity. She was somewhat squished in between me and the vanity. And you know how earlier I said her cry was new and very panicky? Well let me tell you, that was NOTHING in comparison to what came next. Her eyes turned red, and she began to wail.

Disclaimer both her and I were fine. Nothing was broken or anything. She was mainly startled and upset for having been woken up from possibly deep sleep. Anyway, she cried and cried and cried and we called an ambulance because, in my daze and panic, I couldn’t tell if it was just my arm that hit the vanity or her ribs. So the ambulance arrives and she is still crying. We are instructed to bring a blanket (something familiar to her) as well as a bottle to feed her. I go into the ambulance with her, crying my own eyes out and feeling all the guilt in the world on my shoulders. And she is still crying.

The paramedics can’t console her. The hubs has to follow us in the car, his phone battery is almost dead and he doesn’t really know where to go or where to park. We get to the hospital and she’s still crying. We are admitted and taken to a room and she is still crying. At this point am still not allowed to hold her because they aren’t sure if the crying is a result of a broken bone. I felt helpless. So we get x-rayed and the nurses are super sweet and do their best to make her and me feel comfortable. The hubs is still missing and the phone is dead. God, I felt guilty. Oh and she’s still crying. One of the nurses then decided to show her a cartoon on her own phone. THAT finally got her attention. The hubby arrived just in time to help me gain some strength, remind me to breathe and tell me words of reassurance. We were able to x-ray her and nothing was broken. Thank god! I still felt guilty.

A number of lessons were learned that night. Never run with a baby unless there’s a fire or you are running from a wild animal or something like that. Also, let her sleep! If you can help it, don’t wake her up. Especially if you have an extra special panicky baby. We didn’t go out to celebrate anything for a while after this incident. God, I felt guilty….Any tips or advice on your major fails would be greatly appreciated..

Lena Alaw

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